Garden School:


Garden School:
Teaching this week: Nothing: my Trainee is on holiday!

Monday, 21 September 2020

You know that expression "you look like a drowned rat"?

 Well, guess what I found in a Client's watering can the other day.

Oh look!

A drowned rat!

I assume that it clambered in for a drink, fell in, then couldn't scrabble its way out again.

I don't particularly care for rats, but I do feel sorry for any creature which meets this sort of untimely end. 

Before you ask, I know it's a rat because I took it over the road to my friend Dudley, a wildlife expert, and he identified it at a glance. He also commented that it must have been in the water for a long time, because the fur and the tail had rotted off.

Lovely.

Talking of "lovely" jobs in the garden, I was once asked to investigate a particularly smelly water butt: I poked around with a stick, and I thought I could see something under the surface, but I wasn't about to put my hands in, so I emptied the butt out, and found five drowned squirrels. Eeeuw!  Pretty stinky. And that, dear reader, is another perfectly good reason for always putting lids on your water butts, along with keep out the mozzies, and to prevent small children having accidents.

Again, the supposition is that the squirrels wanted to drink, and fell in, and once in, couldn't scrabble their way out. You do think that once the first one fell in, it's squeaking would warn the others away... but apparently not. Or maybe they fell in at different times? 

Eldest Squirrel: "Where's Tiny Squirrel?"

Small Squirrel: "Dunno, went out for a drink earlier. "

Elder Squirrel: " Well, go and find him."

Later...

Eldest Squirrel: "Where's Small Squirrel? "

Medium Squirrel: "Went out to find Tiny Squirrel. "

Eldest Squirrel: "Well go and find the pair of them. Honestly... "

Later.

Eldest Squirrel, in annoyed tone: "Where has Medium Squirrel got to? "

Large Squirrel: "Still looking for Tiny and Small? "

Eldest Squirrel: "Oh for heaven's sake, what's keeping them? Go and look for them, would you? "

Some time later:

Eldest Squirrel: " Honestly, if you want a job done...."




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