Gardeners: the horrors of the Outside Loo

I've worked in gardens where there were no facilities, and I'd have to pee in the shed, or round the back of the shrubbery: yes, I know, I know, but needs must, when the devil drives.

I've worked in gardens where there were wonderful facilities:

 

This lovely, lovely Client had an outhouse, attached to the main building, which contained a tool store, a pantry with wine cellar, and - joy of joys - a loo, with a tiled floor so I could go straight in there with muddy boots.

Even though it was an outhouse, it was always clean, neat, tidy, and well stocked with loo paper.

And, and, it had a RADIATOR ooo, lovely: as you can see, it meant that on a cold winter's day, I could warm up my gloves, while having a pee in comfort.

I was very, very sad when this Client passed away: not least because they were a lovely Client, with a fabulous garden, but oh! I do miss that loo!

At the other end of the scale, there was this one - right:

Yes, it's technically indoors, but as you can see, not very salubrious, and barely enough room to get your backside on the seat without being crowded off by the water treatment box or the sink.  

Plus, the walls were crumbling, leaving brick dust everywhere: both toilet and sink were cracked: it was frequently out of stock of toilet paper (I quickly learned to check before using it!), it was never cleaned, and it was used by random visiting builders and workmen, so there were often interesting, er, leftovers to greet me. 

All this would not be so bad in itself, but it belonged to a multi-million pound establishment, and you do think they could have spent just a little bit of money on it... after the first few weeks there, I pinched a broom from the shed and left it there, so that I could at least sweep the floor from time to time. And they did, eventually, find me the key to the door, so that at least I could pee in private....

But all this pales into insignificance, when compared to the sight which greeted me last week:

*laughs*

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